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Harry and Meghan take the Interviewer, Dr Jackson, to court over his conduct during the three interviews they generously gave him. (Part 1 of 3)
#meghanmarkle #oprahwinfrey #splitthewestatwarwithitself #parody #harryandmeghan #princeharry #royalinterview
Transcript:
All Rise Judge Arthur Covington Smith Presiding
ACS: Upon what charges does the defendant stand accused?
Harry: Hi Arthur. It’s me, Harry Meghan Markle Windsor. Didn’t know you were a judge too?
ACS: I funded my translation pursuits with money I made as a Barrister. Graduated with a degree in Law, 1983. Anyway, what charges?
H: Causing sp…
ACS: Where’s your lawyer?
Harry: When I heard Mr. Jackson was going to be representing himself, I thought, what the hell, so will I. But then Meghan heard about it and she wasn’t very happy, were you Meghan?
Meghan: He signed the papers when I wasn’t there, right, and I have to be honest I was angry...
(Harry: expression)
M: But we had it changed so that we will be representing us: Harry will not be representing me on this, I mean, can you imagine?
ACS: Okay, fine, charges?
Meghan: Willfully Causing GSH: Grievous Spiritual Harm.
ACS: How do you plead, Dr. Cobalt Jackson?
H: Cobalt?
CJ: Yes
H: That’s really your name? Cobalt?
CJ: Yes
H: Cool name.
ACS: I was just thinking that. How do you plead, Dr Jackson?
CJ: Not guilty, your honour.
ACS: Right, then let’s hear the prosecution’s opening speech.
Ha: Once upon a time…
Meghan: We’d already lost so much; we always felt bereft and hard done by in whatever Mansion we stayed in. We arranged a few media dates, ya know, to get our side of the story out.
M: We were vulnerable, ya know; the press hated us, the royal family were rigid, yo know, they wouldn’t submit to our every whim. They wouldn’t even let me put air fresheners in that musty old chapel we got married in.
M: We stepped out on our own, you know, created a wonderful foundation. Coronovirus really hit us hard, because we were extremely prevalent in the media up until the outbreak; we hear a lot of tragic, COVID related stories, but our one kind of got lost.
H: It’s like nobody cared: we were guaranteed front page in more or less everywhere before the pandemic. There’s no vaccine for that.
M: We even started off update our subscribers with accurate COVID information; you know, filtering out the misinformation.
H: We were going to be your first port of call for the latest COVID updates!
M: But there didn’t seem to be much appetite for it; we weren’t the first port of call, and we can only think that that happened because of some right-wing memes and the all-shadowing wings of white-supremacy, but I just let it go because I don’t hold grudges.
H: She doesn’t ya know! And if you say she does, she’ll come after you, doesn’t matter how long it takes.
M: Harry, remember what we said.
H: Oh Sorry.
M: I think you better take a moment to be with himself. Your honour, do you mind if my husband takes a moment to be himself.
ACS: That phrase can translated in many different ways; it’s quite alright so long as it would be deemed decent in polite company.
M: After being demoted to below the pandemic in terms of newsworthy content, I decided instruct our people to arrange more interviews. Dr Jackson seemed nice; he’s an engineer and inventor and said he wanted to help us show the world who we were.
M: We entered in good faith. But his questions were tricky and his motives were sinister. Behind his smiley facade there lies a man, quite capable of committing heinous acts of spiritual cruelty
M: I’m too trusting, I think, so I accept blame for that, on that I’m guilty, right? But looking back on what he did to us, it kinda feels worse every time I remember it.
H: It was ambush journalism.
M: Oh, Harry, we were invited to house
H: Yeah, it wasn’t quite ambush journalism, more of a pre-arranged interview. But he signed a document to promise not to ask certain questions that he ended up asking!
M: No Harry, we didn’t get him to sign anything: it;s another fault of mine, too trusting..
H: Well he didn’t actually signed anything, but I mean, come on, he didn’t even offer us any refreshments.
M: Yes he did, both alcoholic and non-alcoholic: you had two Amarettos.
H: Oh yeah.
M: Your honour, he put us on the stakes of burnt us on the fires of public opinion which was spitting and roasting hotter with every word we spoke. He set us up to humiliate us and what we stand for, which is basically love.
M: And with that act, he committed, with full intent, Grievous Spiritual Harm to us, and all of the flock , who cradle under our banner
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